In the darkness, I can only see anger

 

I

am

too

angry

to

sleep.

You are literally killing me. 

Please send help.

 

I can’t do this anymore. 

I just can’t. 

It’s too much brutalisation for, well, apparently no reward. 

unused / unkept

 

this slick entropy

of unused things is / become

a cobbled pathway

vigil / vigilant

 

this restless sliver

of night is a blade I hold

even as it cuts

distanced / silenced

 

    I dreamed about you, again. 

    I asked you how long it has been since I've seen you, and you laughed. 

    So I asked, how long has it been since we've spoken to each other?

    How long has it been since we've had a meaningful conversation? 

    You didn't answer. 

gloom / glow

 

this unsightly wreck

of greying days is / become

my only landscape 

I’m tired

 

I’m tired 

of this thankless, financially-draining, pointless slog. 

gallery

 

this ugly chamber

rings loud with the footsteps of

your artful cut

spent / unspent

 

these words rain, falling

through my cold fingers like so

many spent bullets

I require you to know this

At some point, I am going to need to reconcile the enormous lie that you have enacted upon me. Unless or until that happens, my sense of betrayal remains absolute. My feelings of loss and my anger at your reckless disregard of me, of my needs, of my fundamental rights, are a constant corrosive force in my life. This is what you have done, with your skillful, self-serving expediency, and I require you to know this. It must be very clear by now that I hold a set of expectations that have been engineered in service of your enormous lie, and your failure to deliver against core aspects of those expectations produces a constant, bitter fuel for my grievance. I want you to understand that this is a source of deep suffering to me, and also that it shapes my experience, but it does not define it. There are many types of pain, and this is pain that I live with, moment upon moment, day upon day, and it will not be eased until that which has been left carelessly unresolved is carefully resolved. I want you to know that this has become the reality of my life, and I am deeply unhappy with it, and in the midst of this agonising disempowerment I am still able to attain clarity about it and to articulate it even while it silences me in multiple ways. I have lost so much, and it seems like I lose even more with each day and week that passes. Will I die still waiting for every resolution promised?