Spirited! Feng Shui

If this blog were a room in a house, it would be time to redecorate.

It’s been quiet and more than just a little bit gloomy in here of late.  Apologies to any regular readers (you who have stopped by more than once) who have noticed the absence of oomph.

It’s not like I haven’t been blogging. I have.  I write the posts but somehow they don’t get finished.   I’m distracted.  Or tired.  Or I’ve spent so long just gathering my thoughts that I then need to attend to something else more pressing.

So the blog is much like many other parts of my life.  Shambling.  Disorganised.  Suboptimal.  In real terms, I’m achieving a huge amount more in each week than I was even six months ago, but it’s all too easy to compare this with my life “before”.  Before a few funky cells started their loud, chaotic party and trashed the joint.  Somewhere along the way I’ve lost more than just a breast and some brain cells.  I’m rebuilding not just my life, but whole chunks of who I am as well.  Which, rightly so, cannot be rushed. 

See, there I go again with more of the gloomy, insular talk.

In energetic terms, this represents too much Yin, not enough Yang.  In Feng Shui terms, I need to encourage more chi through the front door.  I need to move the metaphorical furniture and install a happy plant.  Splash on a fresh coat of paint, hang up some art, and scatter some funky throw cushions.    

So, redecorate I will.  Maybe not today.  But the nauseous olive green has got to go, in favour of something fresher, and… more Spirited!   Stay tuned.

Quotalicious

A pearl is a temple built by pain around a grain of sand.

~ Kahlil Gibran

In memory of JV

I tried to look up an old friend yesterday, and found out that she is dead.

I had been thinking of JV quite a lot recently.  She was older than me when we worked together 15 or so years ago, and I was always slightly in awe of her witty confidence. In her own words, she had “a big mouth” and she knew how to use it, but it was tempered with kindness and her understanding of the people around her.  She knew how to get things done by getting people to do them.  I aspired to develop a little more of her brashness, her tell-it-like-it-is-but-funnier frankness.  However, our working lives diverged, I moved states several times, and we lost touch. 

I went looking for her because I wanted to reconnect and tell her how much I have admired her all this time.  How I look in the mirror sometimes now and think I can see just a tiny bit of her staring back - and I like it. 

And now she is gone.  She died “after bravely battling cancers” ten days before my last chemo treatment.  That is all I know.

I’ve tried to console myself with a number of trite sentiments, but it hasn’t worked. Her boys have lost their mum.  She’s lost her life.  How can someone who is so vibrant and full of energy drop off the planet like this? 

This is the bit of the cancer thing that I still just can’t make sense of. 

IMG_1525 by ShellyS

JV,

I’m so sorry you have to walk that painful path.

I hope you were surrounded by love, and it brought you peace.

But wherever you are now,

I hope you haven’t stopped opening your big mouth

Because we all need more honesty and kindness and laughter.